


blow my mind

by unlxcked



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Miscommunication, Secret Relationship, bscl mark bein oblivious and hyuck bein too good for this world, i guess this is, implied norenmin and chensung, ot21 up in dis bihh, some swearing but aside from that nothing bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 10:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18871606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unlxcked/pseuds/unlxcked
Summary: Donghyuck is sick and tired of Mark Lee.(Donghyuck and Mark have been together for four months now, but almost nobody knows that. What happens when Donghyuck finally runs out of patience?)





	blow my mind

**Author's Note:**

> umm hello a few quick notes: this happens at the end of 2k19 so all of '00 line are legal in korea. this is ot21 thingy but only a few memberes are mentioned or have lines so i didn't tag them. title is blow my mind from nct 127 japanese album awaken, ugh whatta queen of a song.
> 
> enjoy!!!

Donghyuck is  _sick_  and  _tired_  of Mark Lee.

 

He got it. He  _really_  did. The fear, both irrational and completely justifiable, wasn’t unknown to Donghyuck but he learned how to live despite of it years ago. And he knew Mark wanted to do the same but was a bit slower with it than his boyfriend.

 

But Donghyuck was reaching his limits.

 

They’ve been together for almost four months now and their relationship was still a secret to the world. Even to most of their members. Mark promised Donghyuck on multiple occasions that he’s working on it, figuring out how to be more comfortable with people knowing about him. About  _them_. To this day, it all remained words whispered in the dead of the night, air between them tranquil and warm from their mixed breathes, exhaustion from the day claiming them.

 

Donghyuck was getting impatient and he hated it.

 

He felt like a dick for feeling frustrated when he knew this was harder for Mark than it was for him. He wanted to be the supportive boyfriend Mark needed, and most days his effort was genuine, but from time to time he slipped up and felt awful about himself and their relationship, letting the toxic thoughts consume him.

 

Unfortunately, today was such a day and the timing couldn’t be worse.

 

They had one of the rare weekends completely free of schedules. All twenty one of them and all here in Seoul for it. It was nothing short of a miracle and everyone was excited at the prospect of spending some time together as a family. True, they were a weird and slightly awkward one, but they all still treasured the unique relationships they had; relationships no one outside of their group, not even managers, could even come close to understanding. They decided to first go to a nice restaurant with some chill live music and enjoy a family dinner together and later the older members would go to a club. Which really meant only Chenle and Jisung would be going back to the dorms, but they didn’t protest as much as everyone thought they would, which was weird and more than slightly concerning. It was all supposed to be fun and games, if only Donghyuck wasn’t so  _so_  tired and worn out. He would have preferred to stay in his bed and watch Netflix until he felt marginally better.

 

Alas, he always was and always will be the sunshine of their group and he didn’t want to disappoint his members by being gloomy and ruining the mood. So he pushed it all down, put on his makeup and jewelry and was ready to go out with his best friends.

 

The act lasted all about twenty minutes before it all crashed and burned, due to no one else but the infamous  _Mark Lee_.

 

There probably wasn’t a restaurant in this city, maybe even in the whole world, which could accommodate all of them so they split between two large tables, all the members from different units mixing together, eager to catch up with their teammates who had their own schedules that kept them busy. Taeyong sat at the head of one table, Kun of the other and it was both funny and endearing how naturally both leaders fell into their roles even outside of the work. The rest, of course, didn’t mind at all.

 

The lighting was dimmed and the area they chose private, slightly closed off from the rest of the restaurant, so Donghyuck decided to take a chance and approached his boyfriend, who was currently choosing where to sit with Yukhei by his side.

 

He stood next to Mark and made sure the older had noticed his presence before brushing his fingers over the top of his hand, gently linking their pinkies. His stupidly soft smile fell right off his face as he felt Mark pulling away almost instantly, yet not before squeezing their joined hands slightly. An act of affection followed right after by the one of rejection. Donghyuck’s heart soared the skies and drowned in molten lava at the same time.

 

“Not now, Hyuck.”

 

“Why not now? Yukhei knows. No one is even looking our way.” Donghyuck was talking in a quiet and urgent whisper that he hated using _so fucking much_. It was a tone made for dirty secrets and unresolved arguments.

 

“I know, it’s just...” They were close enough that even in the dimmed light and with the jazz music playing in the background, Donghyuck could both see and hear Mark gulping uncomfortably. The older turned to him then and the intensity of his gaze was pinning Donghyuck in place, leaving him with no other option but to succumb to the older’s wishes as he spoke next. “Can we please talk about this later? When we get home. I promise.”

 

Acid was burning his lungs and chest and eyes so Donghyuck didn’t speak, only slightly nodded his head and went to sit next to Jeno. Mark followed him after a few seconds of hesitation, probably with the intention to sit next to his boyfriend, but Renjun beat him to it and promptly took the seat next to Donghyuck’s. He looked up at Mark with eyes both innocent and somehow glinting dangerously in the low lights. Donghyuck watched the exchange but decided to do nothing. He needed a few seconds to gather himself and Renjun was gifting him just that.

 

Mark looked like he would say something more, but Yukhei pulled him along to sit opposite of the two friends. This meant Donghyuck and Mark were eye to eye. Great.

 

After all these years spent together as friends and then best friends and only recently as lovers, Mark and he knew each other so well that nothing could be hidden between them. In their words, yes. But their eyes were always a clear window into each other’s soul and that’s why Donghyuck always looked away when lying that he was fine with their secrets, all the waiting and hiding. He didn’t want Mark to know how weak and insecure he felt; that was  _his_  to deal with and Mark could _never_ know.

 

So now Donghyuck kept his eyes trained on the table, playing around with the cutlery and focusing on calming down. Renjun was softly yet excitedly speaking to him about his newest solo project and Jeno draped his arm over the back of the chair, resting his hand on Donghyuck’s shoulder. They didn’t even know what was going on but they still saw their friend needed comforting, so that’s just what they did without prodding any further. Donghyuck was truly lucky.

 

Their table was as loud and as chaotic as you would expect twenty one boys and men sitting down would be. The good food was passed around and drinks were ordered (only for the legal adults, of course!), laugh was filling the air and everyone was conversing loudly, or at least as loud as restaurant etiquette allowed. Taeyong and Kun were always ready with their motherly scolding if anyone did something out of line.

 

Donghyuck was already feeling better, so much so that he was now playing footsie with Mark under the table while loudly laughing at Yuta’s retelling of Sicheng accidentally sending him a very embarrassing picture.

 

He locked eyes with his boyfriend over the plates of barbecue and bottles of soju, his heart skipping a beat or two as he saw the concern in Mark’s eyes. Donghyuck was weak for him and couldn’t stay mad for long; his infinite patience for his boyfriend’s antics will cost Donghyuck his sanity one day. But not today. He smiled a brilliant and hopefully reassuring smile Mark’s way, the older instantly relaxing in his seat and sending a more restrained version of that same smile back.

 

All was well for now.

 

They left the restaurant just before eleven, Taeyong already fussing about kids staying out too late. The said kids were giggling like crazy, making fun of Taeyong for being an old man and telling him “to take a chill pill”, which only resulted in a whole new scolding while everyone waited for their manager to come pick Chenle and Jisung up. Even Doyoung, who usually liked to keep his observations to himself, was making fun of Taeyong now.

 

“We can’t have any fun if you don’t relax a bit. Maybe that chill pill plan isn’t the worst idea Little Demon and Tall Nuisance had.”

 

“My authority is being undermined by my own precious members! Unbelievable!” Taeyong was practically fuming now and yet none of the said members could stop laughing for long enough to support him in the argument he was clearly loosing.

 

Manager finally arrived and took the two laughing teenagers back to their dorms, Taeyong still giving them a goodbye hug before everyone walked to the club that was just down the street.

 

The walk wasn’t long and the night was pleasant. Donghyuck was taking deep breaths and enjoying hearing the laughter of his bandmates all around him when he felt fingers intertwining with his own. For a moment he imagined it was Mark, but the fingers wrapped around his were much thinner and more delicate than those of his boyfriend.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Renjun’s melodic voice came from beside Donghyuck, the younger only sighing in response. But Renjun was nothing if not persistent and caring, so he tugged on their joined hands, prompting Donghyuck to speak.

 

“It’s nothing, Junnie. I’m just not in that good of a mood, but I’m all good.”

 

Renjun’s voice was very calculated when he spoke next. “And that foul mood of yours has nothing to do with a certain Mark Lee who I’m certain you’re crushing on but who’s been rejecting you ever since I can remember?”

 

“He’s not rejecting me." Donghyuck mumbled, Renjun barely having caught it over the sounds of the street at night and their loud group of friends. The Chinese boy only let out a small confused sound, so Donghyuck spoke again. “We’ve been together for four months now, Injunnie. So I’m pretty sure that he’s not rejecting me but I also don’t know what to call what you saw at the dinner. He said he’s working on it, but I...”

 

Renjun said nothing, only pressed himself closer to his friend’s side, offering his warmth as a form of comfort. Donghyuck appreciated the gesture greatly.

 

“Have you told him? That it bothers you when he acts like that?”

 

“No, not really...” Donghyuck chewed on his bottom lip nervously, probably messing up his lipstick. He didn’t even want to look at Renjun’s face – he could already imagine the compassion mixed with pity and worry. “I can’t. I’m afraid it’ll only scare him away, undo all the progress he’s already made. I want to give him time.”

 

A few seconds of tense silence passed before Renjun spoke again. “Mark’s comfort shouldn’t come at a price of you hurting. You need to talk with him, Hyuckie. You can’t wait for him to get his shit together forever.”

 

It was the truth and it scared Donghyuck more than he dared admit to himself. He knew this wasn’t healthy and that if he didn’t tell Mark the older had no way of knowing how his actions affected him. But the prospect of losing Mark or worrying the boy even more, putting another burden on his shoulders was even scarier.

 

“I’ll tell him soon, I promise.” By the way Renjun only sighed and squeezed their joined hands, Donghyuck guessed he knew he was lying.

 

They reached the club and skipped the line completely, entering through a VIP entrance. The perks of being an SM artist. They settled in the few separees that lined the wall of a closed off VIP area that had its own bar and was divided from the rest of the club with a low fence and a few bodyguards, but still had a good view of the dance floor and an easy route to it. Various drinks were quickly ordered and consumed even quicker, many of their group already leaving for the dance floor.

 

Jeno and Jaemin yelled over the loud techno music with latino vibes for Renjun to join them, looking at the smaller boy expectantly. Renjun glanced at Donghyuck nervously, clearly torn between taking care of his friend and dancing with the two handsome boys. Donghyuck flashed him a quick smile and a thumbs up before practically pushing him in the direction of the two waiting boys. They all disappeared from his view shortly after and Donghyuck felt happy that the three of his dear friends were having fun together.

 

He took a sip of his martini before finally looking up and around the table, lying to himself that he was merely curious and not looking for a certain Canadian boy. And sure enough, the said boy was already looking at Donghyuck from across the large round table and flowery decorations on top of it.

 

He was nursing a glass of whisky with ice, his black outfit and red lights making him seem almost ethereal, like a dangerous stranger. That was, if you disregarded his eyes that were looking at Donghyuck with all the gentleness and care that was so unmistakably Mark; the gaze that was reserved for Donghyuck and Donghyuck alone.

 

The younger contemplated what to do – should he go over or just sit and wait to see would Mark make a move in public. While he was weighing his options, Mark seemed to have already made up his mind as he stood up and walked over to Donghyuck, drink still in hand, his steps steady and relaxed. The older sat down next to him and found his hand in the dark, his fingers filling all the empty spaces between Donghyuck’s. Not a perfect fit, but that only made it more precious – that they worked around everything that wanted to keep them apart. The thought made Donghyuck go incredibly soft and squeeze his boyfriend’s hand, looking up at him with stars and red lights of the dance floor in his eyes.

 

“Hello there, love.” The pet names slipped easily past Mark’s lips when no one but Donghyuck was there to hear them. It was a bittersweet moment for the younger.

 

“Hey baby.” Donghyuck brought their conjoined hands up between them and kissed Mark’s pale knuckles softly, seeing more than hearing the older’s breath hitch. A satisfied smile spread across his face at that. No one ever made the completely fully capable Mark Lee loose his composure, except for Donghyuck.

 

“Are we okay? I mean, after the dinner and everything?” Mark bit the inside of his cheek while waiting for Donghyuck’s answer, clearly anxious about it. Good. That meant he had to have at least  _some_  idea of how Donghyuck felt about his public rejections.

 

Donghyuck was getting ready to lie yet again, to give one excuse or the other that would settle Mark’s anxiety and clear the air between them from this awful tension that was still present. But just as he opened his mouth, Renjun’s words came back to him unbidden.

 

_Mark’s comfort shouldn’t come at a price of you hurting._

 

Oh, Donghyuck was hurting. Had been for months now, but kept quiet for the sake of their relationship.

 

_You can’t wait for him to get his shit together forever._

 

Donghyuck was done waiting.

 

“Actually, we’re not just yet. But you can make it up to me. Come dance with me.” He said the words with nonchalance and brightness, throwing a blinding smile in there for good measure.

 

Mark’s eyes roamed all over the features of Donghyuck’s face, his grip on his hand tightening almost imperceptibly. A bad omen.

 

“I... I can’t do that, sunshine. I’m sorry. You understand, don’t you?" The worst thing was, Mark’s smile was truly apologetic. He really didn’t see how significant, how hurtful his actions were.

 

Donghyuck’s smile disappeared off his face as he spoke. “No, Mark. I really don’t understand.”

 

Mark was gaping at him with wide and worried eyes and Donghyuck couldn’t take it any longer. He had to leave before the guilt and the pain overpowered him right then and there. He finished his drink in one large gulp and stood up abruptly, making Mark jump in his seat.

 

“Move.”

 

“Hyuckie, I...”

 

“I said,  _move_.”

 

Mark closed his gaping mouth shut quickly, and stood up so Donghyuck could pass by him and head towards the dance floor without sparing his boyfriend another glance. Donghyuck wasn’t sure if he hoped or feared that Mark would follow him, but either proved pointless since Mark didn’t do that.

 

He had to get himself together and had to do it  _now._ He could feel the pressure behind his eyes, the familiar sensation of his throat closing up and his knees going weak. He didn’t have the privilege of breaking down in the middle of a crowded club.

 

Still dazed from the cocktail of emotions in his veins, Donghyuck stepped onto the dance floor without much thinking, looking for any of his bandmates. A grave mistake, looking back. He quickly got disoriented, the bodies pushing against his and hands grazing his arms doing nothing to help, only making him more uncomfortable and lost. He was hoping for Renjun, hell, even a noisy Ten or an overprotective Taeil would be fine at this point. But it seemed as if his luck had run out.

 

A large and warm hand with fingers adorned with many silver and black rings closed around his upper arm, pulling him closer to a tall and lean body. Donghyuck’s first though was  _Yukhei, thank God!_ but as he glanced up he was met with a face of stranger. A stranger with a nice smile, thin lips and bright hazel eyes that were accentuated with subtle shimmering makeup. To sum it up, a quite handsome face was now starring at Donghyuck from above, which was ridiculous, he wasn’t even  _that_  short.

 

“Can I help you?” Donghyuck spoke up first since the other seemed to have no intention of doing anything except standing there with his hand still wrapped around his arm.

 

The stranger smiled a little wider, but still no teeth could be seen. “Yeah you can, but I can also help you. Are you lost?”

 

“Just looking for my friends.” Donghyuck found it peculiar that he still didn’t move away from the other boy, but he was rather respectful of Donghyuck’s personal space and his voice held no pressure or threats, just warmth and curiosity.

 

The words were hard to get through over the loud music, but they managed. “Sorry to disappoint you, but the dance floor is so large and crowded I think that’s impossible.” The stranger paused before leaning in and saying his next words next to Donghyuck’s ear. “Dance with me for a bit, instead. We’ll look for them when it’s less crowded. I promise to get you home by midnight.” His tone was playful but there was still nothing predatory about it, so Donghyuck considered himself lucky this time around.

 

Suddenly the image of Mark’s face from only a few minutes ago flashed through his mind – the one where he was all dark and imposing yet undoubtedly  _his._ Familiar and warm and safe. It made the tears surge back to his eyes in an instant.

 

 _Oh, fuck it._ Donghyuck took the stranger’s hand and pulled him closer, plastering an angelic smile over his face.

 

He will deal with Mark later.

 

The taller was still being respectful, keeping his hands on Donghyuck’s waist but not going any lower as they swayed to the rhythm of the dirty beat that was playing. Donghyuck took the initiative and made his moves even more provocative, wrapping himself around the boy he met only ten minutes ago. It was insanity and it was liberating. Being in the spotlight, dancing with another boy where everyone could see them... If he pretended hard enough, he could imagine it was Mark who held him in his arms, showing Donghyuck off to everyone, making everyone jealous of what they had. Dipping him in the blaring red lights, lips close to his neck as they came back up, smiles on their lips because they were so insanely in love.

 

Word  _love_  popping up in his brain was like a bucket of ice water in the middle of the heated dance floor, his skin burning in the places the stranger touched him not so pleasant anymore. He looked at the other boy, who must have seen the panic in Donghyuck’s eyes because he then took his hand and lead him through the crowd. Time and space were a relative, now. The time it took them to reach the bar could’ve been a few minutes or a whole hour. Donghyuck supposed it didn’t really matter. He just wanted to go back to his separee and wait for his friends to come back so they all could go back home. And maybe to see Mark and cuddle into his side and kiss his eyelids as they fluttered shut under his touch, but he couldn’t think about that now.

 

The stranger was leaning into his space again, speaking loudly so as to be heard over the deafening music. “Let me order you a drink, okay?”

 

Donghyuck only nodded his head, eyes both unseeing and searching for his friends at the same time. Some time latter a drink was in his hand and a comforting weight of an arm was draped around his waist. He felt detached from this moment right here that he didn’t even notice the arm disappearing and the other boy talking to someone. He was almost sure he saw Jaemin’s pink hair somewhere in the crowd nearby. He could even see all the way back to the VIP area now that the crowd thinned out a bit, a few silhouettes still sitting at their tables.

 

He turned his attention back to his companion as he felt warm, slightly sweaty fingers around his wrist. He saw a black sharpie pen in the stranger’s other hand and a mischievous grin on his face. He started lowering the sharpie towards Donghyuck’s skin but the latter immediately snatched his hand back at the speed of light, leaving the taller boy stunned.

 

“I’m sorry, do you have someone already?”

 

How silly, that the answer was simple and unreachable at the same time. “I... I do. I have. It’s just... complicated.” Donghyuck winced at his own choice of words and how cliché it all sounded. How unsure he was.

 

The unknown boy smiled at him, too knowingly for Donghyuck’s liking, and gently and slowly retook his wrist. “That’s okay. But here, take my number and call me if you ever want something simple.”

 

He quickly scribbled his number down on the inner side of Donghyuck’s wrist, signing it only with a  _–xoxo, Y._ He brought Donghyuck’s wrist up to his lips and softly kissed the marked skin without breaking the eye contact with him. It was the first thing the other did that made Donghyuck’s stomach flutter but  _not_ in a good way. He didn’t like kisses from anyone that wasn’t Mark, not anymore. He kept quiet though, as he watched the tall figure disappear between dancing bodies without looking back once.

 

The exhaustion that overtook him a few moments ago came right back. He slumped against the counter, buried his face in his hands and took a few deep, steadying breathes. Then he righted himself and headed back towards the VIP area, done with trying to find his friends.

 

If Donghyuck had any luck tonight, Mark wouldn’t be sitting there when Donghyuck came back.

 

As it was, his jinx was still there and so was Mark.

 

He hadn’t stood up as he saw Donghyuck approaching their table but his eyes didn’t leave the younger for a second. They were dark and clouded, something Donghyuck didn’t recognize and therefore didn’t know how to act according to that. He sat next to his boyfriend but their bodies weren’t touching all over like they usually would.

 

Mark was the first to move. He took Donghyuck’s wrist, the one with the number on it, in a firm grip of his slightly calloused fingers and placed it so it was turned upwards on the table between them, the black numbers and letters stark despite the bad lighting.

 

“Who was he?” Mark’s voice was strained and had a tone that Donghyuck couldn’t decipher. If he was a bit less drained, his curiosity would have led him to look at Mark’s face and figure out what it was. Right now though, he only lowered his gaze to Mark’s hand on his wrist, the pale skin making the digits look even more black than they already were.

 

“Some stranger.”

 

“Did you have fun dancing with him?”

 

“Yeah, I... Wait, how do you know we danced?” Now  _this_ was worth Donghyuck’s undivided attention.

 

Mark’s jaw was tightly clenched and his eyes stormy as he spoke, never leaving the place him and Donghyuck touched. “I saw you from here. I watched as he swirled you around and touched you like you were  _his_. I was... livid.”

 

Donghyuck couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Then why didn’t you _do something_ about that?”

 

He saw the moment Mark’s eyes went blank, his expression showing his confusion because he couldn’t figure out why he didn’t do anything.

 

Donghyuck only sighed and looked back down at the numbers. A silence stretched between them before Donghyuck spoke his next words, loud and soft. “Just before coming here, I told Renjun I want to give you the time to figure things out and he told me I shouldn’t wait forever. I’m anxious and insecure and I  _hate_ doubting you. I hate doubting  _us._ But that’s what happens when you refuse to show me that I matter to you outside of our own world, when others can see.”

 

His next breath was shaky, but he needed to power through this now that he had begun. “And here comes this polite and handsome boy and dances with me and gives me his number. I tell him it’s complicated, and he tells me to call if I want something simple. And that’s exactly what I want. But wanna hear the worst part? Not for a  _second_ did I consider calling him. Because all I could think of was that I want  _you_ , no matter what.”

 

His voice was now wavering, all the suppressed emotions resurfacing at once. Without looking at his boyfriend’s reaction, Donghyuck removed his wrist from Mark’s now weak grasp and started walking towards the side exit, the one that lead to a deserted hallway and then bathrooms.

 

The music here sounded as if he was underwater, the world giving him a break from blaring lights and sweat and noise. He leaned on the wall under the blue artificial lights, closing his eyes and taking deep breathes. No use. He bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut, hugging himself tight as a form comfort when there was no one else to give it to him.

 

He fucked up. He messed up _everything._ Mark will probably break up with him now and it was all due to Donghyuck’s own stupidity. He should’ve spoken up sooner or stayed behind and talked to Mark. Tears were threating to escape his eyes yet again and he felt so weak and helpless and _alone._ Why was it so hard for him to be happy with what he had?

 

His thoughts were overwhelming him, a scream was crawling up his throat when a large warm hand touched the side of his face. He immediately leaned into the touch, his body recognizing the relief it brought even before his mind did.

 

Getting lost in Mark’s touch was always so easy and natural.

 

Donghyuck looked up to find his boyfriend looking at him with furrowed brows and wild gaze. So many emotions were written there and Donghyuck could read them all – it was guilt and fear and fondness and worry and frustration and many more. It all amounted to such an intensity in Mark’s eyes that it burned through Donghyuck, a fire reaching all the way down to his core but he didn’t look away no matter how much he wanted to hide from it. He owed Mark that much.

 

Mark’s other hand came up to rest on the other side of his face, caging Donghyuck in. “Don’t cry, sunshine. Just please don’t cry.”

 

Donghyuck sniffled as he only now realized that a few tears did, in fact, escape past his eyelashes, probably making a mess of his makeup. That was such a trivial thought that an urge to laugh hysterically formed in Donghyuck’s chest, but he suppressed it.

 

“Mark, I’m sorry. I– I didn’t, I wasn’t…”

 

“No, no, no. Hush, baby. Please, let me speak first. Let me apologize to you.”

 

Donghyuck could do nothing but stare at his boyfriend’s face dumbfounded. Mark took a deep breath, looked away from Donghyuck’s eyes to his own hands on his warm honey skin and then started talking. “Okay. First of all, I need you to know I love you so _so_ much even though my words and actions don’t seem to match my feelings. These past few months I’ve been an awful boyfriend to you– No, Hyuckie, please let me finish. I’ve been awful and I didn’t realize it up until now. Up until you literally said to my face that I’ve been neglecting you and your feelings. I know I’ve been… difficult, to say at least. Don’t smirk at me love, I’m being honest here. Anyways, I got so comfortable with you giving me the opportunity to adjust to our relationship being public, even though you could’ve easily demanded for me to get my shit together earlier. I got so comfortable, I forgot to try my hardest for you. I forgot to read between the lines and figure out you’re hurting underneath pretending to be okay for me.”

 

Mark’s voice was wavering now, not dissimilar to how Donghyuck sounded at the booth. “You always took care of me, even though you would never admit to it, but I always knew it and appreciated it. You were always dragging me back to dorms to rest or would throw an energy bar at me when you knew I forgot to have lunch. I remember all the nights where I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow at three in the morning but I would wake up with a blanket over me and my phone charging.”

 

Donghyuck’s eyes were filling up with tears at an alarming rate, but Mark only smiled at him all soft and fond, moving his thumbs in a soothing movement over Donghyuck’s cheekbones. “There’s no good excuse for me except that you have the dumbest boyfriend on Earth who will after this keep in mind to appreciate you as you deserve, but you gotta help me out, my love. You gotta tell me what you’re feeling or thinking even when I’m at fault. Especially then.”

 

“I don’t wanna burden you further. You’re already so busy and tired and…”

 

“You and your feelings are not a burden, Hyuck. Fuck, you’re what I love the most in this world. You’re not some burden or an obligation or a task. You’re my boyfriend, and you deserve better from me. And I swear to you I will try my absolute very best from now on to give just that to you if you’ll give me a chance to. If you still want this complicated thing we have.”

 

Donghyuck was this close to straight out ugly sobbing in the middle of the club. “Damn you, Mark Lee. But yes, I’ll always want for us to try. And I have to try and actually talk to you. It’s not fair to expect from you to fix something you don’t even know is broken.”

 

Mark smiled widely at his words, pecking Donghyuck on the nose and looking at him with stars in his eyes. “We’re a team, yeah? Always together. I love you.”

 

It took every ounce of strength he had left for Donghyuck to not give in to Mark’s kisses right then and there and instead ask a question he should’ve asked months ago. “Mark, why are you so afraid of people knowing? Screw people, but our own members? Are… are you ashamed?”

 

Mark’s thumbs never stop moving and the feeling in his eyes shifts, helps Donghyuck see the turmoil inside Mark. “I’m not afraid of anyone knowing I’m not straight or that you’re mine. I’m afraid of people. We’ve both been in this industry for a while now and you know it gets… ugly. I’m afraid of people hurting us. I’m scared of sharing you with others because I feel most at peace when I’m alone with you and know that nothing can get us here, in each other’s arms. Letting people now would make us vulnerable, but I know it must happen at some point. And now that I know that you want it, I’m gonna make it happen soon.”

 

Donghyuck says nothing. Not with words, at least.

 

He says it all with putting his hands over Mark’s on his face and leaning in closer, sealing their lips in a kiss tasting of salty tears and whiskey and Donghyuck’s cherry lip-gloss. Donghyuck wishes this taste would remain on his lips forever.

 

His tongue gently probes at Mark’s lips and they immediately part for him. Mark moves so he’s even more in Donghyuck’s space now, their bodies pressed close to each other, Donghyuck’s back hitting the wall behind him. Mark’s hands disappear from his face and move down to his tights, swiftly lifting his legs up around his hips with a practiced move. Donghyuck is just as practiced and crosses his ankles at the small of his back, the new height difference helping them further deepen the kiss.

 

Donghyuck knows what’s coming next, knows that Mark gets inpatient and possessive quickly. The older’s lips move down his neck, leaving a glossy trail, teasing and testing and biting only slightly at the sensitive and sweaty skin there. Donghyuck is considering calling his boyfriend out for being a tease, when Mark finally bites down on his neck, sucking a bruise just under his jaw with a slow precision, all elaborate and taunting. They are usually reserved for his collarbones, where they can be hidden by clothes and little foundation. This one is going to visible to anyone with a pair of functioning eyes. A giddy giggle escapes him at that thought, and Mark moves back to look at his boyfriend’s face with a dazed, enchanted gaze.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing, I’m just thinking how much I love you. And that I should’ve made you jealous sooner.”

 

Mark groans, although his lips are still stretched in a wide grin that nullifies that, and he goes back in to shut Donghyuck up the only way he ever knew how.

 

When later they make out in the booth in front of a traumatized and proud Yukhei, or they dance together sultrier than anyone imagined Mark was capable of, or hold hands on their way to the car, Donghyuck is pretty sure he won’t shut up ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> hello i hate this! but if you've made it this far - thank you for reading ma trash!!!
> 
> this isn't the type of story i wanted to write. it's just my current dreams, hopes and frustrations but with markhyuck!
> 
> anyhow i'm rewriting my markhyuck atypicals au and will post it after i graduate aka around july so stay tuned for that! it's going to be an actual story and not this lol
> 
> p.s. english is my second language so be kind and ignore the fact i have no clue how to use commas


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